An Uber Ride

A few months ago I uber'd.
It was the first time I had ever done this sort of thing, on my own at least. I had a court date for a DUI, and it seemed weird to drive there along with me really not wanting to pay for parking.
It was the first of 5 court dates to come as well.
I was nervous.
I was scared.
Disappointed.
Along with a glimmer of optimism and hopefulness.
The uber arrived, and we exchanged pleasantries, and we were off. Me not knowing what was in store for me once i got to court, and the driver clearly aware of this.
His name was Lavern. A nice guy in his mid 50's or 60's. About five or so minutes into this ride and Lavern noticing that I was nervous, because I had said as much. He had turned into my pseudo therapist.
He then asked me a question that at first took me a back, and I thought about my answer for what seemed like a minute or two but in all actuality was only a couple of seconds. He asked if I would mind if he prayed for me. Me thinking he would sort of do this to himself maybe under his breath or through that voice that lives inside all of us, I said sure. I was then taken a back when he started doing it out loud in a normal speaking voice. Not like a preacher trying to reach the person sitting all the way in the back of the church.
I started rubbing my hands together which were resting on my lap while I sat shotgun. I do this from time to time when I'm uncomfortable or getting emotional.
It had been a long time since someone had done this. So long I cannot remember when, or if it had ever happened before.
It only lasted a minute or two, and Lavern stopped once we got to the WVXU studios on Central Parkway. Which is where NPR is located, thinking back on that now, I think that is kind of ironic.
I listened to Lavern though.
He didn't have to do this for this 36 year old nobody.
Once he stopped I mumbled "amen" reflexively along with seriously hoping something would change.
Not knowing if i believe in all this or not, but if somebody was listening maybe they could pass some better karma my way.
In that moment,
In Lavern's Infiniti,
A black man whom I had never met,
Was sincere in his conviction,
And just nice.
Had said a prayer for me
And I fought back tears, and apologized for it.
It felt like I had really needed that, more than i could have known.
I could have said no,
Pulled away from it, bring out the skeptic in me,
But i chose not too, in that moment.
Sometimes you just want something good.
Sometimes you get selfish.
Sometimes, these are just words, but the positivity they held were comforting.
I'm still not sure if i believe them
From what I can remember it was much in the way a Buddhist would talk to Ganesha.
To remove the obstacle in front of me
To help me find my way back.
And, with all that was going on or had gone on Lavern's words brought me comfort.
Brought me to tears.
Not sure if I believed them
But I sure did appreciate the action of Mr Lavern. He just wanted to do something nice for someone who was struggling with something.
The only thing he knew what to do was pray, in that moment.
And i needed to hear the positivity.
In that moment
and in that front seat.
Because my internal voice was reaching some pretty dark places.
Hence, the almost crying that almost ensued in the front seat of Lavern's sweet, fresh, and so clean clean Infiniti.
Thanks Lavern. Wherever you are. And, I'm doing alright in case you have ever wondered.

That particular court date was just to let me know that I should get a lawyer, and set up probation, and pay my fines. Which I took care of. Then through the lawyer we set up another court date, and she was able to get my case dropped to a reckless operation. Then a weekend in a hotel, another court date, and a last court date, it was all over. The license is back in my possession, and I'm not sure if Lavern's helped with any of that, but I was calm going through all of this. Frustrated at times, but never lost my cool and flipped out. Maybe that was the lesson behind the words, to just stay calm. A week after that car ride I lost my dear friend to an overdose. Which was difficult to go through and deal with. Subconsciously I think Lavern's word rattled and still rattle around inside my head. Maybe not the actual words, but the feeling of them. That's the lesson, stay calm. Stay calm.