Grandmothers

I was 31 when we threw a party for my Grandma Mary. She was turning 85 and i was enlisted by my mother to perform some songs. I had never done this before. This being playing in front of my family.  I remember thinking "what the hell am I going to play?" The anxiety was pretty lively as well.  I asked my mom what kind of songs should I play and she asked me to play a  version of Woody Guthrie's "This Land is Your Land" however she changed it to "This Grandma is Your Grandma." Along with that to play "Goodnight Irene" as unbeknownst to me that was one of my grandmother's favourite songs.
I knew how to play these fairly well. I just dusted off some rust and was good to go. What I remeber the most wasn't my playing or singing it was my grandmother. Her sitting next to me and singing. It floored me. I was in awe. That same night my Uncle Dave joined my grandmother and I on stage and he sang "Goodnight Irene" with us. If you want to call what he was doing singing. I was told that was one of his favourite karaoke songs. I'm realizing as I type this out that Uncle Dave passed away two weeks ago. From complications of varying things. He had a New Englander's accent and a great smile. I'm glad I saw him over the summer in Massachusetts before he became ill. This show will always remain as a fond memory. One i will never forget. He was truly a great man, and this night was equally great.
The second best show I ever played was for my Grandma Jean. For a long while grandma was battling alzheimers. I remember being a teenager and counting how many times she asked my dad what we were watching, it was 7 times. Each time my dad saying "the Bulls game." She loved Johnny Red Kerr, and who could blame her he was awesome. That 7 times was within an hour, also.
Grandma progressively got worse, as alzheimers likes to do. Soon, her house in Oak Lawn was sold and she went off to live with my Aunt Jane in Shirley, Massachusetts. She was doing well for a time there, but it was in 2006 or 2007 when she moved to Darlington, Wisconsin and it was here that I played my second best, or favorite show.
She was living in a nurisng home not too far from my Aunt Linda, her eldest daughter, and only about two hours away from my Dad. I remember going up there a lot during this time. Almost every weekend. Going with my Dad as support. It was one weekend though that has always stuck with me. My Aunt Jane was going to visit grandma from Shirley, and she told me to come up and bring my guitar. I obliged and Dad and i drove up that weekend. I sat in Grandma's hospital room with my dad and aunt,  holding my guitar. I remember Jane showed me an old folk song called "Today." We played the song and Jane sang because she has a voice of an angel. I remember looking at my grandma laying in bed, bascially catatonic, and a smile came across her face. From ear to ear she smiled. I started crying a little as a feeling came over me that felt like we were playing her off. This was really heavy and I got up and drank some water, and went to the bathroom. Then went outside to have a smoke. I knew grandma was on her last days and nobody needed to tell me that. I knew this might be the last time I ever see her. I played her that song and my "I love you" and "see you later" were all in that song, and she smiled in acknowledgement, or that is what I like to think at least. Being a little selfish.
I remember packing up my guitar and saying I love you and bye to grandma barely keeping it together. I remember getting into Jane's car and driving back to the farm and Jane playing the song she wrote for her dad through my father's cd player in his car,  and most likely the three of us crying, because through all of this my Dad was there.
The timeline escapes me. Hell, even the year this happened escapes me. I remember after this in grandma's room she passed away probably within the upcoming week, or over the next few days. It was truly one of the hardest things I have ever been through. Watching a person's inevitable demise. From when I was teenager to being in my mid to late twenties. What was not hard though was playing a song for someone I loved and seeing a light return to her eyes and face that I hadn't seen in a long time. A feeling washed over me that, it was okay to let go. A simple thank you written above her in letters that I could only see.
I have played many shows before and since both of these events. i would be remiss if I didn't mention the ones with my brother. Those remain as some truly special ones, even just us creating songs. But, these two moments described all in the previous are forever stamped on my heart. They carry an emotion and a heartbeat of their own. They walk alongside all those played with my brother. They were formidable in my sense of self and playing whether I knew that or not. My Grandma Mary is still alive and well at 91 years young. With the recent passing of my Uncle Dave this was especially something I wanted to write. As he was such a great man, husband, step-father, and Uncle. Always a fun time, and that New England accent.
The take away from all of this for me is: life is equal parts short and long. To make the best of it. Whether you know it or not you can make a difference or brighten up someone's day with the simplest of gestures. I found that out through a series of events that I will forever cherish.

An Uber Ride

A few months ago I uber'd.
It was the first time I had ever done this sort of thing, on my own at least. I had a court date for a DUI, and it seemed weird to drive there along with me really not wanting to pay for parking.
It was the first of 5 court dates to come as well.
I was nervous.
I was scared.
Disappointed.
Along with a glimmer of optimism and hopefulness.
The uber arrived, and we exchanged pleasantries, and we were off. Me not knowing what was in store for me once i got to court, and the driver clearly aware of this.
His name was Lavern. A nice guy in his mid 50's or 60's. About five or so minutes into this ride and Lavern noticing that I was nervous, because I had said as much. He had turned into my pseudo therapist.
He then asked me a question that at first took me a back, and I thought about my answer for what seemed like a minute or two but in all actuality was only a couple of seconds. He asked if I would mind if he prayed for me. Me thinking he would sort of do this to himself maybe under his breath or through that voice that lives inside all of us, I said sure. I was then taken a back when he started doing it out loud in a normal speaking voice. Not like a preacher trying to reach the person sitting all the way in the back of the church.
I started rubbing my hands together which were resting on my lap while I sat shotgun. I do this from time to time when I'm uncomfortable or getting emotional.
It had been a long time since someone had done this. So long I cannot remember when, or if it had ever happened before.
It only lasted a minute or two, and Lavern stopped once we got to the WVXU studios on Central Parkway. Which is where NPR is located, thinking back on that now, I think that is kind of ironic.
I listened to Lavern though.
He didn't have to do this for this 36 year old nobody.
Once he stopped I mumbled "amen" reflexively along with seriously hoping something would change.
Not knowing if i believe in all this or not, but if somebody was listening maybe they could pass some better karma my way.
In that moment,
In Lavern's Infiniti,
A black man whom I had never met,
Was sincere in his conviction,
And just nice.
Had said a prayer for me
And I fought back tears, and apologized for it.
It felt like I had really needed that, more than i could have known.
I could have said no,
Pulled away from it, bring out the skeptic in me,
But i chose not too, in that moment.
Sometimes you just want something good.
Sometimes you get selfish.
Sometimes, these are just words, but the positivity they held were comforting.
I'm still not sure if i believe them
From what I can remember it was much in the way a Buddhist would talk to Ganesha.
To remove the obstacle in front of me
To help me find my way back.
And, with all that was going on or had gone on Lavern's words brought me comfort.
Brought me to tears.
Not sure if I believed them
But I sure did appreciate the action of Mr Lavern. He just wanted to do something nice for someone who was struggling with something.
The only thing he knew what to do was pray, in that moment.
And i needed to hear the positivity.
In that moment
and in that front seat.
Because my internal voice was reaching some pretty dark places.
Hence, the almost crying that almost ensued in the front seat of Lavern's sweet, fresh, and so clean clean Infiniti.
Thanks Lavern. Wherever you are. And, I'm doing alright in case you have ever wondered.

That particular court date was just to let me know that I should get a lawyer, and set up probation, and pay my fines. Which I took care of. Then through the lawyer we set up another court date, and she was able to get my case dropped to a reckless operation. Then a weekend in a hotel, another court date, and a last court date, it was all over. The license is back in my possession, and I'm not sure if Lavern's helped with any of that, but I was calm going through all of this. Frustrated at times, but never lost my cool and flipped out. Maybe that was the lesson behind the words, to just stay calm. A week after that car ride I lost my dear friend to an overdose. Which was difficult to go through and deal with. Subconsciously I think Lavern's word rattled and still rattle around inside my head. Maybe not the actual words, but the feeling of them. That's the lesson, stay calm. Stay calm.

The 81s: Big Man

The 81s: Big Man (a review)

By: Moose

            This album centers around two ideas: The first putting poetry to music and the second putting said poetry to music via the platform of garage rock with a hint of Velvet Underground and Nico. Exploring these two ideas are the writer/lyricist Tom Siering and musicians Tim Carroll and Luella. This album “Big Man” is there second under The 81s. They are not a band in the traditional sense this is more of a project for everyone involved, where Tom presents the lyrics, and Tim and the other musician’s work on the music, putting it simply.  

           

            The album revives a sound that was or isn’t necessarily dead, but more like gone underground. Basically, you don’t hear this sound in the mainstream. Through my first listen this feels like a 90’s album. Harkening back to the days of Freddie Jones Band and Screaming Trees, only add a woman. These are comparisons, because I feel like Tim Carroll (guitars, keyboards, vocals), Luella (Vocals, Tambourine, bells), Cameron Carrus (bass), and Marco Giovino (drums) took Tom Siering’s words and wrapped them around a sound that was meant to be a little more heavy and raw. Considering how Nashville likes to pretty things up these days I think these folks took some words and wanted to do something a little different, and yet also tip the cap to the folks that walked the rock and roll wire before them, and even paved a way.

            I had a recent conversation through email with Tim, Tom, and Luella, and basically this “project” was as simple as this according to Tim “Tom likes to write lyrics and I like to play rock and roll guitar. Doing that inspires us.” Tim wrote all the music, and the vibe throughout the record is just a straight rock and roll record. Some songs yes, sound like Velvet Underground, but that was more by happenstance than setting out to do so. For all musicians and artists have influences, and sometimes a song may sound like this somebody or that somebody but in the end it is you that is playing it, and making that music. And, from what I have gathered from Tim, Tom, and Luella was that this was simply that. Creating a sound that revolved around Tom’s lyrics. I enjoyed the listen I had with this record. The second and third, and through the fourth I heard different sounds or words than before. Initially wasn’t quite sure what was going on, what were or are they trying to get across, and through the listens I found my answers. Which were simply to put music to these lyrics that reference Melrose Place and Manute Bol. If you are not sure who Manute Bol was, look him up. His story is quite amazing. The name “Big Man” comes from a basketball term for the center, and the title track revolves around the great centers of yore. For me I think this was the first time I had heard in song a reference to Manute Bol, which I enjoyed along it with being a great way to close out a great album.

           

            At the risk of repeating myself I think this a great record. The players on it are pretty damn great, and it is just a fun rock and roll record. I dig the rawness of it, and kind of the middle finger to the prettiness that can happen through mainstream music. I could dissect the album as well and go track by track and word by word, but while that  would be fun for me at some point it would just get to the brass tacks of: if you dig rock and roll give it a listen, put in your car, and take a drive somewhere that you have no destination in my and give it the 45 minutes it needs to explain its story.

            I’d like to close it out with the question that I like to ask everyone I do this for, and that is why music? Why this, of all things to do? And the following are Tom Siering, Tim Carroll, and Luella’s answers.

Luella: I’ve done music ever since I was a young child. It’s my primary language to communicate. Through it I feel like I am maximizing my potential on this earth. Also if we are lucky, we may move and inspire someone through it. Art lives on past us. I do it for myself and if it resonates with others too then that’s fantastic…especially rewarding.

 Tom: That famous punker Friedrich Nietzche said “Without music, life would be a mistake.”

Tim: I’ve been playing guitar in bands on and off ever since I was a little kid. I guess it’s just because I like it, and I follow my interest in it. And now that I’m getting better at it, I enjoy it more than ever.

You can find the record and all things 81s via the worldwide web at:

www.THE 81S.COM 

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Chuck Berry: Enough said

People have debated who the real "king" of rock n roll is. The list is endless with the likes of Bill Haley, Les Paul, or most notably Elvis. Everyone who has been annointed this title is certainly worthy of such a title, however, for me at least the king of rock n roll is Chuck Berry.

What is in a title anyhow? Or, a label? This doesn't do much for anyone as the body of work will speak for itself, or at least it should. Chuck Berry may not hve sold as many records as say Elvis, but he did leave an indelible mark on Rock n Roll. His sound lead to inspiring a generation of guitar players from Keith Richards, Angus Young, and Steve Jones, and so on. Elvis crooned and wooed whie Chuck sweated out every note, did the splits, and was more raw and was the antithesis of "cez la vie."

He had his issues, as do many of us, he probably wasn't the greatest person off the stage. But, there was nobody like him when he was on it. His personal life is that of his own. It is not my business to judge him by that, becasue for me his music is more important to me. All "kings" have flawas some greater than others, and for some far worse than others. The catalogue of songs that he left behind is vast and will remain much like any great work of art.

When I first heard him I was in awe. The sound he was getting from his guitar is recognizable wherever you are. His way through a song is incredible. Fitting so much into two and a half minute or three-ish of just pure rock has always been surreal for this listener. I was young when I heard his songs on the oldies station back home in Chicago, and with the classis film "Pulp Fiction" and his song "You Never Can Tell" on the soundtrack really opened my eyes to his sound. "Rollover Beethoven" I was fortunate enough to have known already through The Beatles, and Jimi Hendrix I had heard play "Johnny B Goode," and others, and for this 37 year old from the suburbs of Chicago his sound for me IS Rock N Roll.

In short, listen to some Chuck Berry. Go an adventure through his catalogue. Plenty of music to sift through, and delve deep in. Rest in Peace Mr Chuck Berry, The king of Rock N Roll.

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